


Cracks In The Armor

by Type40_River



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Accidents, Angry Jared, Angst, Bottom Jared, Distant Jensen, First Kiss, First Time, Hospitals, M/M, Mentioned Past Death, Sad jared, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Type40_River/pseuds/Type40_River
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jared receives a shattering phone call, he begins to think this is the final straw that might just break him....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey All! This is a story that has been rattling around my head for a while, looking forward to your thoughts and the next chapters, let's see where the muses take me.  
> Always be true to yourself,  
> Peace,  
> River.

    Cracks In The Armor

“Shit” Jared admonished himself as he drove through what he thought was another red light, he wasn’t particularly worried about a speeding fine, he would deal with that later. He honked his horn at the green car in front of him annoyed at how slow it was going, jerking the wheel he changed lanes and pushed down on the accelerator, the engine revved hard and picked up speed. Jared knew he wasn’t far from his destination now, he could see the hospital is the distance, the afternoon sun reflecting of its windows. Cursing again as he got stuck at a red light, unable to get through this one, he thought about the phone call he had received a little over 20 minutes ago that had bought him to this frantic state.

***

He’d been lucky enough to be off today, somehow the last scenes he needed to shoot this week were all completed yesterday leaving him with a glorious three-day weekend, something that almost never happened.

Getting all of the domestic duties done earlier in the day and squeezing in his workout too, he was able to enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon.

Choosing to spend it out on the balcony getting some much needed sun seemed like the perfect way to finish it off, he was lucky that his apartment got the afternoon sun. Jared was stretched out on the deck chair in his underwear, his long muscled legs crossed, a hand resting on his incredibly well formed stomach absentmindedly running over his abs and into the grooves between his muscles, taking in some Vitamin D. He shifted slightly reaching for his beer, taking a long swig he raised his bottle towards the sky:

“Here’s to you Vancouver” he called out smiling and taking another sip, it was then that his phone rang next to him on the table. Lifting up his sunglasses, he picked it up and let out a small sigh when he saw that it was Robert Singer calling him, sliding his thumb across the screen he took the call.

“Hey Bobby, if your calling me to say you need me today it’s not gonna happen, I’m two beers down and almost done with the third” He joked into the phone, he couldn't help but use his nickname.

“What? No! Jared shut up at listen!” the voice snapped down the other end of the line.

“Bobby, what’s wrong” Jared asked furrowing his brow, he could hear Robert was upset, plus he couldn’t recall a time that the man had spoken to him like that, something was definitely up.

“There’s been an accident on set Jared” The older man explained, his voice cracking “It’s Jensen…”

“Fuck! Is he ok?” Jared asked getting up to go inside so he could start getting dressed, when there was no answer on the other end, a cold, gnawing sensation began to grow in his gut.

“Robert!” he barked down the phone “Is Jensen…Is he…”

 “He’s alive” the answer unknotted the feeling in Jared’s stomach a little, but not completely “It’s not good Jared. The EMT’s have him and are taking him to the hospital nearest the studio, I don’t know If he’ll make it, there was so much blood”

Blood? Jesus what had actually happened? Jared thought to himself, before he knew it he was racing into his room, pulling on the closest jeans and t-shirt he could find picking up his keys and racing to his car.

***

Jared had parked his car in the closest spot he could find, running as fast as he could towards the emergency room, his thoughts only for his best friend and hoping that he was there in time.

The automatic doors opened silently allowing him into the waiting area, immediately he made for the nurse’s station, speeding by a couple who were gawking at him, obviously recognising who he was.

“Jensen Ackles, which room is he in?” Jared asked forcefully, as he reached the counter, looking at the young blonde nurse typing away at the computer. She turned her head and immediately her eyes went wide:

“Oh, oh my god!” she breathed “You-you’re”

“Yes, it’s me, now can we get this over with so you can tell me what fucking room Jensen is in!” Jared snapped at her, causing her to shut up and glare at him.

“I’m sorry _Jared_ ” she spat the words out, clearly she was not happy with his treatment of her “But only family can see him at the moment”.

Jared saw red, his hands began to shake, he wasn’t about to let some pissed off blonde fan girl having a temper tantrum stop him from finding out what Jensen’s condition was.

“Listen. To. Me” he said quietly to the blonde girl, every syllable sounding dark and murderous “You will tell me what room my best friend is in, who may be dying as we speak. I am his emergency contact in this country, as his wife lives in Texas, so unless you want me to get an already distraught wife on the phone, who’s anger I will make sure YOU have to deal with, you will tell me where he is”

The Nurse looked up at Jared and gulped quite audibly, clearly his tone and ultimatum had made her reconsider her stance.

“H-he is being transferred up to ICU now, room 105”

“Thank you” Jared said curtly and made his way through the security door that the nurse buzzed open for him, his anger starting to abate.

***

He managed to find Jensen’s ward in under 10 minutes and only having to make one backtrack down a corridor. He approached the ICU nurses station just as a red headed nurse looked up and caught sight of him, she was in blue scrubs and in her mid to late thirties.

“You must be Jared Padalecki” she said smiling at him.

“Uh, yeah” Jared answered as he came to a stop at the desk “You watch the show?”

“Nope” she replied simply “I had a call from a fairly distressed nurse named Nicki from emergency to inform me that you were on your way and you might be a tad upset and I quote “He looks like a giant Greek god and has the temper to match”

“Oh, um, yeah….I was an asshole to her” Jared admitted, his shoulders sagging “I’m not normally like that, I’m just worried about my friend”

“Understandable, besides, It’s not like emergency nurses aren’t used to dealing with angry people, just not angry celebrities” the nurse laughed “I’m Elyssa”

“Nice to meet you Elyssa, I’m Jared, obviously” he laughed “I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of Jensen’s room, please?”

“Certainly, fourth door down on the right, he’s not in there at the moment, he’s having some scans done” she informed him “He’s stable at the moment, a lot of cuts and bruises, he suffered some pretty severe trauma to his head, the doctors are concerned there might be some cranial swelling, so they’re checking him out”

“Shit” Jared said, he let out a long sigh “Is he awake?”

“Not at the moment” Elyssa replied “it may take him a while to wake up, he was pretty beat up, do you know what happened?”

“No, I just got a phone call from our producer letting me know that there was an accident on set and that he was being taken here”

“That sucks, don’t worry Jared” Elyssa looked at him reassuringly “I’ve seen people a lot worse come through here and they get out just fine”

“Thanks” Jared offered her a weak smile, his insides where still a swirl of fear, anger and sadness “I think I’ll go and wait in the room, I’ve got some calls to make anyway”

“No worries, I’ll let you know when they’re bringing him back from the scans. Can I get you a coffee?” she asked, jerking her thumb towards the vending machine “That stuff is crap, I can make you a fairly decent one from the nurse’s kitchen”

“That would actually be amazing!” Jared was drained as it was and he didn’t know how long it would take for Jensen to wake up, an additional caffeine hit would help.

“Sure thing, I’ll bring it down to you, how do you take it?”

“White with one sugar” Jared answered “Fourth on the right yeah?”

“Yep, be down soon” she smiled at Jared and headed through a door behind the nurse’s station.

Jared made his way down to Jensen’s room and sat down, his thoughts dwelling on his friend and co-workers condition. He knew he wouldn’t be able to cope if something happened to Jensen, he’d been through too much already, more deaths in his life than should be allowed, if Jensen died he would break.

 

His phone started to ring in his pocket, breaking the darkening though pattern, he slipped the phone from his pocket and answered it.

“Danneel, hey”

“Jared! What’s going on? Is he ok? Are you with him?” a terrified Danneel questioned, she sounded out of breath.

Jared repeated everything the nurse had told him about Jensen’s condition and also relayed her assurances. He explained that he hadn’t seen him yet, the doctors were currently doing scans, she cried at that. Danneel explained that she was due out of a flight in a few hours and that she would be at the hospital as soon as she could. Jared continued giving her reassurances that it would all be ok and that he would call as soon as there was anything thing to tell her.

Not long after he hung up from Danneel, Elyssa came in with a hot cup of coffee and a kind smile, handing the cup to Jared.

“They’re bringing him back up now from radiology, he should be here in about ten minutes” she gave Jared’s shoulder a kind squeeze and left the room. Jared responded to numerous texts from different people at the studio, some mutual friends, one from Misha saying he would be at the hospital soon.

There was a voice at the door of the room along with some sounds Jared couldn’t place, turning his head he saw an orderly wheeling Jensen back into the room. Jared stood up to ensure he wouldn’t be in the way. As the bed was rolled into the allotted location, Jared could finally see Jensen, it was like Robert had said, not good.

There were bruises over Jensen’s face, his left eye was swollen with a sickeningly purple bruise, his lips were split along with a cut along the bridge of his nose, separating the freckles on either side. There was more bruising along his neck and a long gash running from the top of his shoulder down to his collar bone, that was stitched up, another twelve or so cuts along Jensen’s arms, only one was large enough to require stitches.

Jared’s eyes stung and his face grew hot as he felt the tears roll down his cheeks, this was his best friend in the world, that man who had gotten him through some of the toughest moments since they met and here he was looking completely and utterly broken. Jared’s insides burned with sadness, all he wanted to do was fix him, lay a hand on him and magically heal him. The orderly had finished locking Jensen’s bed into place and fixing a few small things.

“The doctor will be with you shortly” he said quietly and left, closing the door behind him.

Jared pulled the chair he’d been sitting on towards the bed to that he could sit side by side with Jensen, he put his elbow on the mattress and lent over, his eyes rolling across the injured body before him. He reached out his hand, resting it over Jensen’s, slowly running his thumb back and forth across his warm skin, looking up at Jensen’s face, his face flushed again and tears burned their way down his cheeks.

“Hey buddy, It’s me, Jared, I’m here, you’re gonna be ok! You’re gonna get through this man!” he whispered to him, voice cracking towards the end. He caught a glimpse of someone entering the room, wiping his eyes and nose on the back of his hand he turned to see who it was.

“I’ve been told you’re Jared, Jensen’s emergency contact here in Canada? I’m Allan Kenneth, Jensen’s doctor”

“I-um” Jared cleared his throat, trying to push down the tears again as he greeted the man, he was mid-forties, close cropped black hair, brown eyes and a small scar on his top lip “Sorry about that, yes I’m Jared”

“Well Jared, your friend here has had quite a rough go of it, but luckily most of it is superficial wounds, the scratches etc” The doctor explained “I’ve gotten the scans back, the is a little amount of swelling inside Jensen’s head”

“Oh god! Is…will he?” Jared tried to complete his question but fear that the answer was not going to be what he wanted, cut him off.

“He should be fine, it’s a perfectly normal reaction to this kind of trauma, he should recover fine” Allan reassured him “what concerns me is that Jensen hasn’t woken up yet”

“hmm? Can’t it take a while after a blow like that though?” Jared asked

“I would’ve expected to have seen some stirring by now, he really should have regained consciousness by now”

“Wait…” Jared could feel the knot in his stomach tighten horribly fast “You’re not saying….Is he in a coma?”

The doctor looked down at Jensen quickly then back up to meet Jared’s eyes “Jared, we don’t know for sure yet it is still early, but-“

“But?” Jared asked, cutting him off

“But, I have seen this before, once in a woman who took a serious blow to the head” Allan was shifting slightly from foot to foot, enough for Jared to know that it wasn’t looking good.

“Is there, are you his next of kin? Significant other? Allen asked.

“Oh, no” Jared answered, a little caught off guard “His wife is flying up from Texas, she’ll be here in a few hours, if you need anything”

“Good to know, we are going to do everything we can Jared, keep positive” Allan gave him a small smile and left the room.

 Jared sank back down into the chair and looked up at his best friends face, the tears started to come freely again and he let them. He folded his arms in front of himself on the bed and rested his forehead on tbhem, he was going to be able to get through this, but right now he was too overwhelmed with emotion to keep up the smile.

***

The warm hand on Jared’s shoulder woke him with a start, his head snapped up, his eyes a little bleary but finally managing to focus on the hand’s owner.

“Misha” Jared sighed, his heartbeat slowly returning to normal “How long have you been here?”

“Only just arrived” Misha’s warm eyes looked from Jared’s across to Jensen and swept up and down his body a few times before returning to Jared “How is he?”

“Surprisingly good, considering how he looks” Jared stood up and ran a hand through his hair, getting it out of the way “The doctor is worried that he hasn’t woken up yet, apparently it’s not a good sign”

Jared couldn’t prevent the tears welling up in his eyes, or stop them spilling over, running down his cheeks, the cold knot in his chest tightened and he let out a soft sob. Misha stepped up to him, wrapping his arms around the tall man, pulled him into a tight hug.

“Hey, Jare, it’s going to be alright” Misha soothed, running a hand down the back of Jared’s head “You know Jensen, he’s a fighter, he’ll pull through”

Jared broke down completely into Misha’s shoulder, it was too much to think about losing him, Jensen was the only thing that got him through the day sometimes since he lost Gen.

“Wh-what..if..he doesn’t?” Jared sobbed into his friend’s arm “I wont..survive..this time. Cant…after Gen”

Misha tightened the hold on him,, he should’ve known this would hit Jared harder. Not only was Jensen his best friend, but Misha knew Jensen had been the one that talked Jared ‘off the ledge’ after Gen had passed away from a freak accident. He could see why Jared was saying he couldn’t go through this again.

It had been a bad time, Jared had tried to take his own life and Jensen had been the one to find him in his apartment. Miraculously he had managed to get Jared help in time, he also spent as much time with the younger man as he needed to, eventually getting Jared through the whole ordeal, it had changed the bond between them.   It was hard enough for Misha to see Jensen this way, he could begin to imagine how Jared was feeling.

Jared continued crying for about five minutes into Misha’s shoulder until it began to subside. He was feeling utterly spent and he could feel a headache brewing behind his eyes. He composed himself and withdrew from Misha, wiping away the last of his tears. Stepping back, he put a large hand on Misha's shoulder.

“I'm sorry about that man”

“Nothing to be sorry about Jared” Misha assured him, lifting a hand and placing it on Jared’s “I'd be worried if you didn't cry”

Jared smiled at Misha’s kindness, he was thoroughly grateful that he had become part of his life. The two of them sat down, Misha filling in Jared on what happened. Apparently one of the walls of the set that Jensen had been filming in suddenly came loose and fell on him, several of the staff said that Jensen had looked up and put his arms up to brace himself, resulting in the cuts from the glass. Misha said that the studio was investigating, ruling out sabotage. Jared highly doubted that anyone on set would’ve wanted to harm Jensen, they were like family, they had all shared births, marriages, milestones and even deaths together. Misha was of the same opinion, the studio had to investigate for insurance purposes.

 

They spoke for a long time mostly about small things, the idle chatter was good for Jared, it distracted him a little from his friend’s condition, until Misha said that he was going to go home and let Jared get some sleep. He gave Jared a long and tight hug before he left, asking him to call if there was any news or if Jared needed someone to talk to.

Jared settled himself in the chair next to Jensen’s bed, stretching himself out as best he could, folding his arms on his chest and closing his eyes, soon enough he was asleep.

***

Three days later and Jensen stilled showed no signs of waking, the Doctors had sent him for more scans, yielding the same result. It was evident that it was all up to Jensen now to wake of his own accord, there was nothing more they could do.

Danneel had been beside herself when she rushed into Jensen’s room, having come straight from the airport and arriving a few hours after Misha had left.

Jared had explained everything the doctors had said, giving her the same assurances they’d given Jared that same day. He explained what had happened at the studio, she was on the same page, she didn’t believe anyone would want to harm Jensen.

The two of them had spent most of the time together in the room, they chatted about this and that, sometimes the pair just sitting in silence, too engrossed in their thoughts. Jensen had a stream of visitors, mostly cast and crew came to wish him well, the room was quickly beginning to fill with flowers and get well cards. There was a statement made by CW about Jensen’s conditions, causing a vast influx of gifts, cards and prayers.

Jared was sitting next to Jensen’s bed, it was almost eleven and he was beginning to feel very tired. He had been home twice, only to shower and change, before heading back to the hospital. Danneel was quite insistent that he should have at least one decent sleep in his bed, but he flat out refused. She was currently at Jared’s house, she was very exhausted and needed some sleep, he had offered her the keys to his apartment which she took gratefully, saying it would be more comforting staying there than a hotel.

The nurse came into do her rounds and check Jensen’s vitals, she gave Jared a warm smile and a nod once she had finished and left silently.

Unable to stifle a particularly large yawn, Jared decided he would try and get a few hours’ sleep, he kicked off his trainers and grabbed a spare blanket that the nurses had given him. Swinging it around his shoulders, he lent forward and folded his arms on the side of Jensen’s bed, he let his head drop onto his arms, he was asleep in minutes.

***

The dream Jensen had been having was a particularly strange one, he couldn’t remember the details, just the feeling of total and utter love and peace was left with him and that Jared had been a part of that dream.

His eyes still closed, Jensen could feel that something wasn’t quite right, his muscles ached all over, he was in dire need of a stretch and a warm shower, it probably had something to do with the angle his body was at and the uncomfortableness of the mattress beneath him.

He opened his eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the light of the room, which certainly wasn’t his bedroom. His head and neck hurt, a dull ache radiating down his neck and shoulders and up into his head. As his eyes adjusted, and he took stock of the room, he understood why his muscles ached and he felt like he’d been hit by the Impala, he was in the hospital.

He remembered hearing people begin to shout at him, he was filming at the studio, remembered looking up and having the strangest thought that a building was trying to fall on him, then darkness.

With a few small turns of his head, some of the tension left his neck, allowing him to move more freely, it was then that he noticed the sleeping figure next to him.

His heart skipped and warm rush ran through his body. He would know that mop of long hair and wide shoulders anywhere. Raising a hand, he gently placed it on Jared’s hair, rubbing his thumb softly back and forth. He wondered how long it had been and what had happened. He was sure Jared had been there the whole time, looking over him and it gave him a rush to know that he would always be there for Jensen.

His eyes began to sting as tears formed thinking about how much he cared for the younger man, he had been through so much already and Jensen felt a little angry at himself for causing him more pain. Lately he found himself lonelier when Jared wasn’t with him, he’d missed the company, the light behind his eyes when Jared let out a cheeky laugh. How Jared would grab him around the wais or slap his ass to make him mess up a take, the contact sent shockwaves through him. A stirring in his gut had followed when thief skin met lately, a fondness growing for the younger man.

He was distracted from his thoughts as he felt Jared’s head lift up causing Jensen’s hand to slip from his hair and rest on the man’s face. He had a few days’ worth of growth on his face and the rough scrape along Jensen’s hand felt good. Jared looked very rugged at the moment. Jensen couldn’t help but smile as he saw his face break into the biggest, childish grin he thought he had ever seen Jared wear.

“Jensen?” Jared breathed, the word almost catching in his throat. A wash of too many complicated emotions hitting him all at once, he was awake! “How do you feel?”

“Hey Jare, I’m alright” he replied watching the younger man’s face smile even wider, if that were possible, as he hitched his chair closer to the bed and leant towards him.

“That’s good. I was…I thought…” Jared’s eyes misted up as the  dark thoughts and scenarios  he’d had over the last few days washed over him again, thoughts about having to try and live in a world without Jensen. It seemed like a cold and bleak world. He could feel Jensen’s thumb stroking the side of his face, soothing him and calming the fears.

“Hey bud, don’t cry!” Jensen said softly. The last thing he had wanted to do was cause his friend more pain, he had clearly had a rough go of it the last few days. Pushing himself up as best he could he leant in closer to the taller man, eyes locked onto Jared’s.

“You didn’t lose me ok? I’m here, it’ll be ok” Jensen assured, trying to convey how much he felt for the other man.

“I know, but I just kept thinking the worst, what if-” Jared was silenced by a set of lips on his.

He tensed up because it was the last thing he was expecting. He could feel Jensen’s swollen and cracked lips against his both warm and softer than he would’ve imagined. Something clicked in his brain, this was his friend, the one he had watched for days sick to his stomach with worry, that was kissing him. He opened his eyes to see Jensen’s piercing green pair staring into him Jared gave into the kiss enough to feel Jensen’s tongue quickly slide over his lips and gently massage his own before withdrawing.    

“I’m sorry for worrying you” Jensen said simply. It was all he could think of to show Jared what he meant to him and how much he appreciated him. Faces still only an inch apart, Jared leant forward and placed another quick kiss on Jensen’s lips, it was soft and honest.

“That’s for _finally_ fucking waking up” Jared said breaking the closeness “Don’t ever do that to me again”

“I won’t” Jensen promised placing a hand on Jared’s open hand, his fingers closing around The larger set of digits and giving a soft squeeze. Jared peered down at the scratched hand in his and looked back up to the smiling face of Jensen, he returned the smile and squeezed his hand back.

His best friend was awake and alive.

Today was going to be a good day.


	2. Sick And Twisted Affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All! Hope you enjoy the second chapter, sorry it's so long, I tired trimming it, but it all seemed to fit for me. 
> 
> Stay true too yourself, 
> 
> Peace,  
> River.

 

The elation Jared had shared with Jensen when he had finally woken up was short lived. Jensen had suffered some damage during the accident, he was having trouble walking, the doctors were confident that with some physiotherapy and rest, he would recover soon enough. Jared had been there when they first discovered it, after he had woken the doctors asked a battery of questions, checked his vital signs and a few other simple tests. Everything had seemed fine until Jensen needed to go to the toilet, he had swung himself over the edge of the bed, mentioning to Jared that he could feel some pins and needles in his legs, stood up, took a step and fell down with an almighty crash. Jared had raced around the bed, lifted his friend back up and got him back into the bed, just as a nurse came tearing through the door, to find out what all the noise was about.

The doctors were encouraging to Jensen, saying that the scans came back looking promising, there was no permanent damage. To an active man like Jensen, it was beyond frustrating. He stayed at the hospital for a week or so, participating in the therapy the doctors prescribed, but making no real progress. Danneel spent most days with him, trying to lift Jensen’s sour mood, eventually the doctors had decided it would be better for his recovery if he were to return home to Texas and keep up with the physiotherapy there.

Jared and the rest of the supernatural family had gotten him a giant card, filled with get well’s, hang in there’s and see you soon’s and Jared had given it to Jensen at the airport the day Danneel was taking him home, promising him that as soon as Jared was done with filming that he would come visit them.  Jensen brightened a little at that and with a quick hug, Danneel had wheeled Jensen towards the plane, leaving a misty eyed Jared in their wake.

Jared had continued filming for another few weeks, the writers had done quite well, in his opinion, to tie up Dean’s story line for the season a few episodes ahead of schedule. It did however mean that there was a lot more Sam and Sam/Castiel scenes to shoot, Jared had been working 14 hour days and was begging to feel the strain of his work load.

He would return to his apartment late into the evening, collapsing on his couch with a beer in hand, completely shattered. During his small amount of downtime, he would facetime Jensen, filling him in on how the season was progressing and what antics the crew and Misha had been getting up to. He enquired about Jensen’s recovery, to which he had watched the smile fade from his friends face.

“Not great” Jensen had answered, his face darkening “They say I’m making progress, but I can’t get from the bed to the toilet without this fucking frame”

“They said it was gonna take time though man, you can’t-” 

“Can’t fucking what Jared?” Jensen interrupted “Expect it to happen overnight?  That I’ve got to keep at it? Fuck, you sound just like Danneel!”

“Dude, you almost fucking died!” Jared huffed “You were unconscious for three days, if you ask me, doing some rehab to get better is a pretty damn easy way to get off, considering the alternative”

“Easy for you to say” Jensen murmured “You’re not the one stuck inside all day”

“No, I’m not” Jared’s voice was getting a little shaky “I’m just the one who was sitting by your bed, hour after hour, scared to death that I was going to lose my best fucking friend”

Jensen scowl softened a little and his eyes were looking down, not meeting Jared’s face.

“I prayed, asking God to get you through that and back to me in one piece”

“You prayed?” Jensen asked, his face visibly surprised “You haven’t prayed since-”

“I’m well aware of the last time I prayed Jensen” Jared said quietly, cutting him off. 

Jensen was referring to Gen’s death. When he had lost her, Jared had prayed over and over for hours, begging God to bring her back, telling God he would do anything He wanted if He would just bring her back, but she never came back. It was her death that had broken his faith. He was angry, when Jensen had found him, after he had tried to take his own life, he’d told his friend that he would never again pray to someone who would let someone Gen die.

“If they actually existed Jensen, I would’ve even made a crossroad deal, to make sure you woke up after your accident” Jared said very quietly, looking down so that Jensen couldn’t see his eyes tearing up.

“I’m sorry” Jensen said, taking a deep breath “I know you went through hell while I was out of it, I didn’t mean to upset you”

“S’fine” Jared mumbled, wiping away a tear and looking back at the phone “Just, keep working at it Jen, you have so many people who care about you and just want to help however they can”

“I know, it’s just…It’s hard, you know?” Jensen finally responded “I sit here day in day out, all these thoughts going through my head, too much time to think…”

“I know the feeling, try not to let it get you down too much okay?” Jared asked, flashing his friend a smile “I lov-”

“Jensen? I’m home!” Jared was cut off by Danneel walking into the room and walking over to Jensen.  Jensen was staring intently at Jared, clearly annoyed at the interruption.

“I gotta go man” Jared said hastily just as Jensen opened his mouth “Talk to you soon”

He ended the call, sinking back into the couch and letting out a long sigh, he was too tired to think any more, draining his beer, he got up and headed towards the bathroom, stripping off his clothes as he walked, shower time then bed, he decided.

 

 

***

Filming for the season was finally over, the supernatural family were proud of their efforts, it had been a long, emotional year and they were all looking forward to the summer break, which was extended by the network to three months this year for a change. It meant Jared would get the entire summer off to do what he wanted, which was to spend time with his friend and get him back on track.

The end of season cast party had been delayed this year, everyone was in agreement that it should happen the weekend before they start filming again so that Jensen can attend. Jared made some tentative plans with Misha to catch up over the summer, he had invited him to come to Austin and they would have a big boys weekend, to which Misha agreed he desperately needed.  Jared made his way home after all the goodbyes were done, he needed to pack, clean his apartment and finish a few things before he flew out the following morning.

***

Jared always loved being back home, the weather was warmer, the people were friendly and honest. It took him back to his days growing up surrounded by love and friends, he was always re invigorated here.

He’d arrived home yesterday and slept almost fourteen hours, it had been so long since could, he’d woken feeling refreshed. He sat up in bed, reaching over he grabbed the water bottle and drained it in one go. He was content to lay there for a few minutes, but nature was calling, painfully. Glancing at the clock and seeing it was already past ten, he got up and made his way over to the bathroom to relieve himself, having to position himself awkwardly in front of the toilet, due to his morning wood. After taking what seemed like a ten-minute piss, he walked over to the sliding doors that led outside, opened the blinds, slid the door open and stepped outside.

It was a beautiful sunny day as he stepped onto his deck, the sun was already warm against his skin, what he loved most about his house here in Austin was the privacy, a giant hedge ran the length of the fence, all the way around his property, it was incredibly dense, so no one could see through it. It had taken a while to grow, but it was completely worth it, so as Jared stood naked in the morning sun, he was completely sound knowing he was alone.

He lazily made his way over to the pool, stretching his arms over his head, relieving the tension from his large muscled frame, his back rippling as he stretched. He shook his arms a few times, loosening his hard pecs and ab’s as he reached the edge of the pool. Without hesitation, he sprung off the side, entering the water smoothly, emerging a few seconds later further down the pool, as his head broke the surface, a large hand swept upwards along his face, slicking his long hair back against his head. The water was refreshing, it was a heated pool but Jared liked to keep it a few degrees’ shy of the normal temperature, all traces of sleep vanishing. He swam a lazy few laps, enjoying the water against his tan skin, before pulling himself up over the edge and walking towards the cupboard where the towels were kept.

After he had dried himself off, he walked back inside, donning a pair of loose shorts, now that he was home again he didn’t have to wear underwear and made his way to the kitchen opening the windows as he passed, letting the sunshine stream in.

Once the coffee was made, he seated himself at on the stool at the breakfast bar, sipping his coffee and watching the news trying to catch up on what he’d missed over the last few days, when his phone dinged letting him know he had a message, picking it up he was that it was from Jensen.

“Hey bro, I know you only got in yesterday, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over today? Danneel is going to be out until tonight, thought maybe we could have some beers and a BBQ”

Smiling at the thought of seeing his best friend after so long, Jared quickly replied.

“Sure, would love to, let me know when and I’ll be there, need me to bring anything?”

“Come over whenever, it’s just me here. Just bring something to swim in, I got the rest covered, Jensen.”

“Sweet, I’ll have a shower and head over, see you soon buddy!”

Quickly draining his coffee and rinsing out the cup, Jared made his way back to the bedroom to shower.

***

About thirty minutes later he was parked in Jensen’s driveway, getting out of the car he made his way up to the front door, feeling the sun on his shoulders, he was dressed in a pair of white Volcom board shorts, a tight fitting black tank top, his carved physique visible through the fabric and a pair of flip flops. Reaching the door, he knocked twice and heard Jensen’s voice:

“It’s open! I’m in the dining room!” he called.

Jared opened the heavy door and stepped inside, closing the door behind him he made his way along the hallway until he reached the open plan kitchen and dining room on the right, finding Jensen sat at the table.

“Hey man!” Jared greeted him, smiling ear to ear as his eyes rested on his buddy.

“Jared! So fucking glad to see you!” Jensen replied, smiling just as widely and standing slowly from his seat, steadying himself against the table “you’re a sight for sore eyes!”

“Right back at you” Jared took stock of Jensen, he was looking well, he was in a pair of sweatpants and a red fitted t-shirt, the fabric stretching obscenely around his arm and chest muscles, tapering off at his trim waist. His skin was tanner than Jared remembered, he must’ve been spending more time in the sun, his weight was shifted to his right leg, Jared figured it must be the stronger of the two at the moment.

Walking forwards, he placed his keys, wallet and phone on the table, stepping up to Jensen, he threw his arms wide and pulled the man into a tight hug. Jensen’s right arm closed around his waist, his hand resting on his lower back, his arm against Jared’s chest, he could feel the heat from Jared permeate the layers of fabric, seeping into his skin. The contact relaxed Jensen more than he had been in over a month, Jared always could alleviate his worries, just melt them away, whether it be with a hug, a joke or just that goofy dimpled grin he always wore. He pulled Jared into the hug as much as he could without losing his balance. Jensen could smell Jared’s aftershave, he had missed it, he had always wondered what it was, he made a mental note to actually ask Jared one day.

He heard Jared sniff audibly and try and clear his throat, breaking the hug he looked up, seeing a lone tear run down the taller man’s face.

“Jare, what’s up?” Jensen asked, wondering if he had done something wrong.

“Nothing” replied Jared, wiping the tear away and clearing his throat again “It’s just good to see you out of bed”

“It’s nice to be out of bed” he acknowledged, smiling at Jared “How about we crack a cold one and get this party started?”

“Definitely”

“I’m gonna go get changed, grab some beers out of the fridge and we’ll go chill outside with some music” Jensen instructed.

“Can do” Jared smiled and made towards the kitchen “Oh, do you need a hand getting upstairs?”

“Huh?”

“So you can get changed” Jared explained, noting the puzzled look.

“Up? Oh!” Jensen finally grasping what Jared meant “Nah, Dani move some of my clothes into one of the bedrooms on the ground floor, safer, you know?”

“Good call” Jared agreed.

Jensen made his way slowly to his temporary bedroom, using his frame for support, he could hear the clap of Jared’s flip flops as he made his way out to the entertaining area and then some music start playing. Once inside the bedroom he shimmied out of his sweatpants, kicking them away and peeling off his shirt. Seating himself on the edge of the bed, he lowered the shorts to his feet and tried to get his legs into them, he managed to succeed with his right leg, but his left leg would cooperate. Huffing out of frustration, he pulled himself up with the help of his frame and bent down to take hold of the shorts, hoping he would have better luck standing up, he was wrong.

His legs gave out underneath him causing him to lose balance, the weight of his body combined with the fall toppled the walking frame resulting in him falling to the ground landing on his shoulder, the air whooshing from his lungs. He cried out in pain at the same time as he heard the alarm clock hit the floor, his leg must’ve knocked the bedside table dislodging it from its home.

He tried pushing himself up but found himself out of breath and too sore to move, the dull ache now radiating from his shoulder down his arm, he was stuck.

“Jared?” he called, hoping his voice could be heard above the music outside. A minute or so passed and there was no sign of him.

“JARED!” he bellowed, hurting his throat.

“Jensen?” He heard from inside “Did you call me?”

“Yeah” Jensen replied uncomfortably “Fell down, can you come gimme a hand?”

The approach of rushing footsteps told him that Jared had heard, they sound changed as the feet transitioned from floorboards to carpet.

“Jen! You ok buddy?” Jared asked, voice laced with concern, kneeling down beside him.

“Yeah, shoulder’s sore. Here, help me up” he replied, embarrassed.

A pair of warm, large hands grasped him by his armpits and he heard a huff of air as Jared lifted Jensen up onto his feet. Wobbling slightly, he lent back into Jared for support, his back resting against the taller man’s strong torso, he could feel Jared’s hard muscles pushing into his skin, warm against his back. His skin tingled with foreign contact, a small tingle ran down his spine as Jared steadied him, he had almost forgotten where he was until he looked down, he was still in his underwear and his ass was resting against Jared’s crotch.

“I, um, thanks man” he stammered as he moved his hips forward, breaking the contact “Can you help me sit on the bed?”

“What? Oh yeah” Jared agreed, sliding his arms around Jensen’s chest, he knelt on the bed and slid the older man onto the edge of the bed, releasing him and standing up.

“You ok?”

“M’fine” Jensen said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck, he could feel the flush of embarrassment colour his cheeks “Only bruised my ego”

“Oh no!” Jared laughed, a mock look of concern on his face “Can’t have that can we?”

“Ha ha!” he replied sardonically, reaching down to get his shorts.

“Oh hell no!” Jared admonished, intercepting Jensen’s grab, picking up the shorts “Not having you fall over again”

He took a few steps and picked up Jensen’s walking frame, sitting it upright and replacing the clock on the night stand.

“I’ll help you get these on” Jared said, kneeling in front of him.

“You don’t have to” said Jensen in a small voice

“Dude, its fine! I’d rather you not injure yourself again”

“Thanks” he agreed, looking down at Jared, who was smiling at him.

Jared spun the shorts around the right way, his hand closing around Jensen’s left leg, feeling the defined calf under his hand and threading it through the leg hole. Repeating the process with the right leg, he pulled Jensen’s shorts on up to his knees, his eyes trailed up the incredibly muscled and thick thighs, noting the dusting of soft blonde hairs up to Jensen’s crotch.

The soft outline of his dick through his Calvin’s sent a rush through Jared’s body, a warm, familiar feeling spreading through his gut, he hadn’t had this feeling towards a man since he was in high school. Giving himself a mental shake, he instructed Jensen to lay back on the bed, as he wasn’t going to be able to get the shorts on with him sitting up.

He shuffled forward, pulling the shorts up over Jensen’s thighs, his fingers accidentally brushing the inside of his leg eliciting a small gasp from Jensen, a shudder running through his body. He finished dressing the man and Jensen sat back up, thanking Jared.

“Any time man” replied Jared as he stood up and offered out a large hand, Jensen took it and Jared pulled him upright.

“Want me to get the walker?”

“Fuck that thing” Jensen answered darkly “Can you just help me outside?”

“Sure” Jared replied with a smile and small nod, sliding his arm around Jensen and hooking a hand under his armpit as Jensen did the same, gripping Jared’s shirt.

It was slow going, the two of them shuffling down the hallway but finally they made it outside, Jared lowering Jensen into a pool chair before dropping into the one beside him, passing him a beer.

They both took a long pull on their beer, Jensen letting out a loud sigh:

“This is what I needed, my best friend, beer and music!”

“Amen” agreed Jared, inclining his head towards Jensen, tipping his beer slightly in salute.

The conversation flowed smoothly, the topics varied from what Jensen thought about the last season to what Jared was planning on doing for the summer, Jensen was pleasantly surprised to learn that the studio had given them a whole extra month this year.

By the time the midday sun was high in the sky, both of the men had a few beers under their belts, both enjoying each other’s company on a beautiful day. Jared returned with a third beer for each, passing one to Jensen, he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, fanning himself with his tank top.

“It’s getting warm today, too used to the Canadian weather”

“Tell me about it!” Jensen agreed “It takes me at least a week to adjust every time I get home for the summer”

“Too hot!” Jared announced putting his beer down.

Jensen watched as Jared crossed his arms over, grabbed hold of the bottom of his shirt and began to pull it off. The tank top was at Jared’s chest when he began to squirm a little, he had been sweating that much that the damn thing was stuck to him. The corded muscles in Jared’s arms bulged as he struggled to get the fabric over his chest, Jensen’s eyes roamed his body, watching the ripped muscles flex as he moved, the eight pac abs expanding and contracting with each breath. Jensen could see a bead of sweat roll down the right side of Jared’s abs, slowly sliding down until it reached the “V” where it collected with some more sweat, a larger drop formed, following the line, eventually disappearing behind the waistband of his shorts.

Jensen felt the heat rush through his body, the sight of Jared’s muscular physique flexing, the beer flowing to his brain and the small noises Jared was making while trying to extract himself from his shirt, excited him, he felt an all too familiar twinge in his pants.

“Finally!” Jared exclaimed, snapping Jensen out of his thoughts. Jared was looking at him with a questioning face, Jensen quickly looked away and took another swig of his beer.

Walking forward Jared stopped beside Jensen’s chair, leaning down he extended a hand towards him.

“C’mon Jen, time for a swim”

“I’m down for that!” Jensen answered enthusiastically “being in the pool really helps my legs”

“Sweet, cause I’m roasting out here” he laughed.

Jensen took the outstretched hand, grasping tightly as Jared pulled him to a standing position. Jensen took a few hobbled steps before swaying ominously, before he knew it, Jared’s arm snaked around his waist, pulling him in against the tall man. The sudden contact of their skin sending another shockwave through Jensen.

Jared took most of Jensen’s weight as the older actor leaned into him, the heat from his skin against Jared’s was intense. The feeling in his stomach rose again, the contact between them felt like it was blistering Jared’s skin, he could feel Jensen’s strong back muscles against the underside of his forearm as he guided the other man to the pool. Jensen gave another unsteady wobble, Jared tightened his grip and turned his head to ensure he was alright. His breath caught in his throat, as he turned, their faces less than an inch apart.

Jared was staring into those piercing green eyes, he was close enough to see the sheen of sweat on Jensen’s face, the laugh lines, their noses a hairsbreadth from touching. He could see the look of surprise on Jensen’s face too, but he also thought he saw a flash of something behind his eyes, Jensen unconsciously licked his lips and let out the breath he’d been holding. It washed over Jared, his face tingled with the breeze, the smell of beer was potent. He gulped loudly, turned his head away and began moving them forward again, the occasion brush against one another sent a thrill through each of them.

When they reached the pool, Jared set Jensen on the edge, headed back to the chairs to get the beer, noticing they were half empty, he made a trip to the kitchen to fetch more. Standing with the fridge door open, he let the cool air wash over him, his body was afire, he took a few deep breaths calming his heart rate. The interaction between the two had fired him up, he was already half hard from the contact and picturing Jensen’s smooth body wet from the water, he was wearing loose board shorts which was making it difficult to hide his excitement. He took a few minutes, his hard on subsiding, closed the fridge and made his way out to the pool.

Jensen was already in the water, sitting on the bench, letting the coolness of liquid calm him. He was able to stretch his muscles more in the water and do some of his exercises. Jared returned not too long after Jensen had begun his stretches, immersing himself in the water, he waded over to Jensen and handed him the beer. The two stayed silent while Jensen completed his routine, both content with their thoughts, Jensen collected his beer from the edge of the pool and made toward Jared, sitting next to him on the bench, giving him a silent nod and clinking his bottle against Jared’s.

The afternoon wore on with ease, the two men laughing lots, happy to be in each other’s presence again after an extended absence. They eventually left the pool after their beers were empty and got around to cooking the food, which was devoured at lightning speed, helping to soak up some of the alcohol running through their systems.

The sun was well and truly set by the time they decided to call it a day, Jared was feeling reasonably tipsy and began yawning, which in turn triggered a reciprocal response from Jensen. He cleaned up the remnants of their lunch, knowing that Jensen wasn’t able to do it himself and he didn’t want to get in Danneel’s bad books by leaving it for her, once he was done he put his tank top back on, which was now dry and walked Jensen back inside, placing him on the couch. He retrieved the walking frame for his friend and a bottle of water, while he waited for the driver service to arrive, he was in no sate to be behind the wheel and didn’t want to leave his car there as he had errands to run the next day.

There was a soft knock at the door, Jared answered to find a man standing there from the company, he gave him the keys to warm up the car.

Jensen was already on his feet, steadied against his frame when Jared came back in.

“You’re off?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah, I’ll probably be asleep by the time we pull out of the driveway” he laughed.

“I’m not far off bed myself” Jensen said trying to stifle a yawn “Thanks for today, I really needed it”

“Anytime dude, Misha is coming in a few weeks, we can have a boy’s weekend at my house while he is here”

“Done” Jensen agreed.

There was a moment of awkwardness between the two before Jared walked over to Jensen, pulling him into a tight hug, he stepped back from him and placed both hands on Jensen’s shoulders

“You need anything; you call ok?” Jared offered “I’m always here for you”

“I know” the other replied “And I will call”

Satisfied with the response, Jared gave his shoulders a quick squeeze and headed out the door and down the driveway, where the car was waiting for him.

Jared was exhausted by the time he arrived home, he thanked the driver and gave him a decent tip, he’d been a very careful driver and Jared appreciated it. Stripping down he threw his clothes into the laundry basket, brushed his teeth and slid into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

***

Jared was in an amazing mood the next day, he’d slept like the dead and woken without a hangover. He was sitting on his stool in his kitchen drinking the morning coffee, mulling over the day before. His thoughts turned to Jensen after a short time, the warm feeling returned again, he couldn’t help but smile. His feelings for Jensen, although a little odd, weren’t confusing to him and he wasn’t ashamed, he’d had feelings for men before, just hadn’t acted on it and he knew this time would be no different. Jared was a lover, he would enjoy the feelings while they lasted, it wasn’t like he was head over heels in love anyway.

He picked up his phone, slid his thumb across the screen to unlock it and opened his messages, tapping the thread for Jensen, he composed a message:

“Morning, hope your head isn’t too sore today. Had a great time yesterday, was real good to see you smiling! I’ve got some errands to run today and then I thought I might go see my folks’ tomorrow, they’ll kill me if I don’t see them soon. LOL. I’m free from then on though, let me know your schedule and we’ll catch up again. J.

Once he had finished the coffee, Jared went about getting himself organised for the day. He needed to go pay some bills, do a proper grocery shop, there were some packages he needed to pick up too. After having his shower, he walked around the house, opening the blinds and a few windows, he couldn't handle the stuffy air in the house, he decided to get things out of the way. Jared was on his way out the door when his phone buzzed in his hand, looking at the screen, it was a text from Jensen:

“Sounds good, will keep you posted”

Jared laughed softly to himself at the message, Jensen must be feeling hungover, normally he would write a paragraph in reply. He swiped the screen to reply, sending the thumbs up emoji and headed off for the day.

***

The visit with Jared’s parent’s had gone well, he’d spent most of the day with them, catching up, filing them in on what had happened with Jensen, they were glad he was on the mend though, they had posed for a picture which he snapped and texted to Jensen.

“Mum and dad hope you get well soon J”

When he arrived home that night, he was on an emotional high, his parents always made him feel great.

He decided it was a nice enough night that he would have a beer or two out on the deck and enjoy the stars. Grabbing himself a beer, he headed to the bedroom, stripping off his clothes, he opened the door, letting the warm night air brush against his skin.

He plugged his phone into the dock, loaded up one of his favourite playlists, letting the music play through the outdoor speakers and settled himself in the deck chair, leaning back, taking a swig of his beer, thoroughly relaxed, eyes performing a once over his property and entertaining area, finally settling on the pool, letting his mind drift off as he watched the coloured lights in the pool change, casting patterns along the walls and floor of the pool.

As he watched the water, his mind drifted back to his time with Jensen the other day, more specifically the heat that fired through his body when he touched him or when Jensen touched Jared. The gasp that Jensen let out when Jared had brushed his inner thigh with his hand, the sparks that moved between their skin each time they touched, the feel of Jensen’s breath on his face, so close to Jared’s, the green of his eyes and the dusting of freckles on his face.

The memory of Jensen’s firm muscled body under his skin caused a small moan to escape Jared, his hand ran down his own muscled body and settled on his hard cock, he began slowly stroking himself, remembering how nice Jensen’s tight ass had felt against his crotch, the heat of his skin as Jared had wrapped his arms around Jensen’s firm chest.

Jared had one hand slowly running over his body, occasionally letting his fingers lightly brush his skin, picturing Jensen’s face hovering above his, staring him down with those green eyes and licking his lips, a dark lust in his eyes.

His other hand had picked up the pace, he was leaking precum like there was no tomorrow, soon there was enough to slick himself up with, working his way up and down his cock, giving it a small twist just as he reached the head. His pace increased as his breathing became heavier, the warm breeze against his skin, tingling and giving him Goosebumps.

Jensen’s mouth was against his skin, placing warm kisses with each stop, his tongue trailing along his muscles, leaving a sweet euphoria in its wake, his hand slowly stroking the length of his cock, making him beg for release. Jensen moves up to his neck, a warm tongue burning his skin with desire, his lips closing around the tongue and he begins sucking at the skin.

Jared can feel the tingle as his balls tighten, every muscle in his body contracts as he lets a loud, throaty moan, he can feel the warmth against his skin as he cums time and time again, it feels like it will never end. He's shaking by the time the last pulse finishes, he's covered in sweat and his head is buzzing, he can feel his cum pooling in the groves of his abs. Reaching across, he picks up his beer, taking a long drink, Jared knows he should head inside to clean himself up, but at the moment, he just wants to enjoy the post orgasm bliss a little while longer.

 

***

It had been a week and half since Jared had gotten back to Austin, his initial happiness at being home had begun to fade, he still hadn’t gotten a reply from Jensen for the numerous messages he had sent him.

He was growing quite concerned, had he done something wrong when he was at Jensen’s house? He didn’t think that he had, the more he thinks about it, the more he is sure he didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe he is just busy? The therapy probably takes a lot of energy after all…

***

Three weeks down and things are starting to get ridiculous. Jared is starting to get annoyed, Jensen has never ignored him like this before, he dodges his calls, wont reply to texts. Jared even went over to his house, he knocked on the door for a solid fifteen minutes until he broke the skin on his knuckles and gave up.

When he called Danneel, she said that Jensen had become really withdrawn over the last few weeks, he talks to her, but he ignores his phone and emails, the only person besides her he will speak to is the physical therapist. She explains to Jared that she doesn’t know what’s wrong or what to do. When he offered to come around, she said she didn’t think it was a good idea, if he didn’t want to speak to anyone, then she didn’t want to go behind his back.

The only plus to come out of the conversation was that his recovery was coming along in leaps and bounds and that he is only using the walking frame when he is really tired.

“Keep your chin up Jared, he will come around eventually, he’ll talk to you, he always does!”

***

“Seriously, Misha, he can get fucked!” Jared barks down the phone, he didn’t mean to yell at Misha, he knew it wasn’t his fault.

“Something is obviously going on with him Jared, given all that he’s been through in the last few months, it’s not that surprising” Misha said wisely.

 Trust Misha to be all level headed about it, he thought to himself.

“We’re like brothers Misha, he’s always been there for me and it drives me crazy that he doesn’t want me there to help him!”

“I know Jared! If he wanted to talk to anyone, it would be you, but clearly he doesn’t” Misha said sounding sad “From what Dani tells me, he’s barely speaking to her anymore either”

“Oh seriously?” Jared asked, his anger dissipating, replaced by sadness for Danneel “I should call her and see if she wants to come around and talk”

“I doubt she would Jared, she’s too worried about leaving him alone in the house, she worried he might…well…” Misha’s sentence trailed off, Jared know where he was going though.

“If he ever did that, I swear I’d find a way to bring him back and I would kill myself” Jared threatened.

“Easy there _Sam_ ” Misha laughed into the phone. Jared paused for a second before joining in, it felt good to laugh, it had been too long.

“I guess I did slip into character there for a moment” Jared agreed “I just wish I knew what to do!”

“We all do Jare. I have to go man, remember, always keep fighting”

“Thanks for the chat Misha, I needed It” he thanked him.

“Anytime! Love ya man, bye”

***

It had been over two and a half months since he last spoke with, what he still liked to think, was his best friend. He had invited Danneel over for coffee one afternoon, she completely broke down, sobbing into Jared’s shoulder for a good half hour.

She was out of ideas, she couldn’t reason with Jensen, he hadn’t talked to her in over a fortnight by that stage. Jared gave her a hug and platitudes, wishing he had a way to fix it for them. She thanked him for being there for her as she left, giving him one last hug and a kiss on the cheek.  That was over two weeks ago, he hadn’t heard from her since.

Jared plonked himself down on the couch, a cool beer in his hand, stretching out to ease the tension in his muscles, it had taken all day but he was finally packed, ready for his flight out tomorrow night. Normally he wouldn't be returning to Vancouver this early but he'd had enough of being stuck at home, he had no plans for the next week and a half, Misha was busy with his kids, the rest of his friends in town were working and Jensen…well, he knew where he stood with him. He'd called the studio yesterday and told them he was flying back in a few days, they offered to book the flight for him, but he said he would make the arrangements, so here he was, beer in hand, enjoying his last night at home for a while.

His mind wandered back over the past few months, trying to pinpoint when it had all gone wrong, it was pointless, he knew that, Jared had already spent a lot of time mulling over the events, never being able to understand it.

Jared absentmindedly tapped his fingers against his knee to the beat of the music coming from his stereo, he had recently discovered their music on the streaming service he used, he’d had one song on repeat for close to a week by “My Darkest Days, it resonated deeply with him. As the track started over again, Jared took a sip of his beer, running through the list of everything that needed to be done before he left, mentally ticking them off, one by one.

Jared’s attention snapped back to reality when he heard a soft knock come from the open door next to him, it startled him and he wondered why he hadn't heard the intercom for the gate buzz. The first thing he noticed when he turned his attention to the source of the noise, was pair of very puffy, very sad green eyes staring at him.

There, framed against the door, stood Jensen, with hunched shoulders, looking very defeated. Jared stared at the man, his heart racing at the sight of him, after months of no contact from him, his best friend was standing at his door, looking visibly upset.

A long silence passed between them, Jared was determined not to be the first one to break the silence, he wasn't the one that created this rift between them, it was up to Jensen to fix this. Jensen didn't move, he was rooted in the spot at the sight of Jared, he had missed him more than words could say, his eyes focused on Jared’s inscrutable face, trying to work out what was going through his mind, anger? Hate? Jensen would completely understand if Jared never wanted to see him again, but not until he's said what he came here to say.

“Hey Jare” Jensen said quietly, trying to smile at the man, but sure it had just looked as though he was pained.

Those two words ran through Jared like fire, the deep voice of this man before him, using his nick name after months of silence, bought all the anger, loneliness and betrayal to the surface, bubbling and white hot.

“Hey Jare?” Jared repeated the words, incensed “ _Hey Jare?!_ ”

Jensen groaned internally, he really should've thought that through.

“Two months of radio silence, you turn up at my door and say ‘Hey Jare’”

Jensen opened and closed his mouth, his voice catching in his throat, his nerves betraying him. He continued to look at Jared, the silence causing more tension to rise between the pair, until at last Jared spoke again.

“Jensen. Ross. _Fucking._ Ackles” Jared said quietly, a quake in his voice “you had better start talking”

“I fucked up” Jensen said, Jared's tone had sent a chill through his spine “I know I fucked up, real bad”

“Ya think?” The other asked sarcastically.

“I had to…. I needed time Jared. I didn't know how to deal with it”

Jared didn't interrupt, he wanted Jensen to explain why he had finally decided to resume speaking to him and he thought replying would make Jensen stop talking, so he nodded his head curtly, encouraging him to continue.

“After the accident, I had a lot of alone time with my thoughts, I was depressed because I couldn't move, angry because I felt like I was letting the show down” he started explaining “it was like I was trapped inside my own head man, then I came home and I was so far away from you, from Misha, from everybody. It was just me and Danneel, all the time”

Jared could understand how isolated Jensen had felt, he knew the dangers of overthinking everything, long ago, it had driven him to the edge.

“The therapy wasn't working as quickly as I wanted it too, I was just so angry” Jensen’s voice broke, he had to pause for a moment before he could continue “everyone kept telling me it would be OK, that it would be get better in time, but I just couldn't see the that it ever would, it was a bad time”

He stopped talking for a few seconds, admitting how much he had suffered, made everything come to the surface again, he swallowed and pushed the memories back down.

“I kept thinking about what I had put everything through, what I _was_ putting everyone through, especially you. Jared you were there when I woke up, I could see how much you'd gone through those few days, not knowing if I was ever going to wake up again, I hated it”

“That wasn't your fault though man, it was an accident” Jared began to protest, silencing when Jensen raised a hand.

“I know that” Jensen assured him

“Then why?” Jared asked, still not understanding the reasoning “why drive me away, why drive Dani, Misha, Bobby and everyone else who cares about you away?”

“There was more going on than just feeling sorry for myself Jared” he resumed “I came home, tried adjusting as best I could to what was going on, failing miserably. Things were getting tense between Danneel and I, she was getting fed up with my mood swings and I was biting her head off left, right and centre”

Jared watched as a tear ran down Jensen's cheek.

“Then you came back to Austin, finally I knew that my friend was coming home, that he would do everything he could to help me” a small smile appeared on Jensen's face

“And I would have, if you had let me” Jared snipped, causing Jensen to flinch.

“I knew that too Jared” he assured “when you agreed to come over that day, I was so over the moon. You’ll never completely know how much that day meant to me Jared, honestly, it was the best I had felt in a very long time”

He watched as Jared's brow furrowed in confusion. Something didn't add up about what Jensen was saying, by his reckoning, Jensen had only been injured a few weeks before hand, not exactly what he would call a long time.

“We ate, we drank, we laughed” Jensen said fondly “I felt almost normal again, then it was over. I was back inside, bound to that fucking walking frame again, trapped inside my own head again”

Jensen let out a long sigh, Jared could tell that Jensen had been keeping this bottled up for a long time, he knew how it felt to think you were alone, even when the rational part of your brain knew it was the complete opposite. Some of Jared’s anger faded.

“Over the next few days, that happiness disappeared, all I could do was think about how happy you made me feel Jared” Jensen's voice wobbled for a moment “but at the same time, I was trying to work out what else it was too”

“Huh? What do you mean ‘what else it was’?” Jared asking, thinking that he'd missed something?

“It wasn't just happiness and friendship I was feeling about it all, I was starting to feel different things, it was confusing as hell and scared the fuck out of me, if I'm honest with myself”

Jared listened to the man speak, watching his shoulders slump forward even more, whatever was weighing on Jensen was clearly heavy.

“So I started to withdraw myself, starting with you, then slowly with Dani and before I knew it, I _was_ completely alone, I'd pushed everyone away and I was more confused than ever”

“I still don't understand Jen, what scared you so much?” Jared asked, trying hard to understand what was the issue here “was it the rehab? Did you feel bad about the fall when I was there or something?”

“No, I didn't feel bad about the fall….” Jensen said trailing off for a moment “it was more that the fall started me thinking”

Jared stood patiently, waiting for Jensen to continue, but he remained silent for a few minutes, Jared thought that they were reaching the crux of the problem and that Jensen needed to work his way up to it. He let him do what he needed to do, taking his eyes off Jensen's face so he didn't feel so pressured, he gave him a once over, noting that his clothes were creased, not at all like Jensen. His button up shirt sad oddly scrunched up on his powerful frame, his jeans were creases in a few places, it was then that he saw the duffle bag by Jensen's feet. Wondering why on earth it was there, he cleared his throat and asked:

“Hey Jen, why do you have that bag with you?”

“Hmmm?” Jared's question had pulled him from his musings “Oh, that. I um…I've been sleeping in my car the last few nights”

“Your car? Why've you been sleeping there” Jared asked puzzled

“Dani and I…we…it's over” he finally managed to get out, the full weight of it hitting him for the first time “my marriage is over”

“Dude…. I’m so sorry” Jared said sincerely, he felt so sorry for his friend. The last of his anger drained away, he couldn't imagine how much was going on inside Jensen's head.

“It's ok, I deserve it after everything I put her through” Jensen supplied, looking up to meet his eyes “things haven't been right between us for a while now, she had good reason to end it”

“Good reason?” Jared parroted “no way to work through it?”

“No, not this kind of thing Jared” his friend said “this kind of thing ruins people”

“Jesus man, what could be so bad? Did you sleep with another woman or something?”

“Huh? No! Jared…” Jensen braced himself, it was time to come clean “please don’t hate me for what I'm about to explain to you, just listen ok? God knows I owe you that much and afterwards, if you hate me and want me to walk away, I will”

“Ok……” Jared shifted slightly as he prepared himself

“It started that day you came over” he began “well actually, I think it was long before that, but it was then that I really started to understand”

“You know how you helped me after I'd fallen down in my room?"

Jared gave a nod for him to continue

“Well…when you pulled me up and you were holding me, checking that I was ok….”

“Mmmmm” Jared murmured, remembering the moment.

“Well, when I was leaning against you, I started to feel…it made me…. Damn it! This is so fucked up!”

Jensen paused, his hand ruining through his hair and back down to his neck, rubbing it nervously.

“Jen, it's ok, you-” Jared began, but Jensen cut him off

“It's not ok Jared!” He said angrily “it's..it's..Ugh! I started having feelings towards you!”

“Feelings?” Jared said trying again to understand Jensen's train of thought

“Yes Jared, feelings” he huffed “heart racing, butterflies in my stomach, wanting to spin around, kiss you and rip off all your clothes kinda feelings….”

“Oh” Jared muttered softly, all the pieces falling into place as realisation spread through him.

“I told you it was fucked up” Jensen's said, a tear tracing its way down his cheek “I'm sorry…for everything”

So this was it, this was the reason for Jensen hiding from him. This must've been tearing him up inside, trying to balance Danneel, the rehab, feeling immobilised by his own limbs and trying to come to terms with these new feelings, no wonder Jensen had withdrawn from the world, it was enough to break anyone. He felt such sorrow for his friend, knowing that Jensen needed him more than anything these last few months, but being the source of his woes at the same time.

His heart began racing in his chest as the thought that Jensen had feelings for Jared dawned on him, fire began to spread through him again, but this time it wasn't anger. Jensen _wanted_ him, the idea struck Jared hard, like thunder without sound, goose bumps rising on his skin, during his months of questioning what was happening, this eventuality never even occurred to him.

“Jen…” Jared’s mouth was dry and his tongue felt thick, unable to form the words he needed.

“It's ok Jare…. I understand” Jensen said seeing the look on Jared’s face, heart sinking “I know the way out. I'll call the studio tomorrow, talk to them about getting out of my contract, you won't have to see me again”

“No!” Jared blurted out, more loudly and forcefully then he intended to, at the sight of Jensen beginning to turn away from him “it’s…no…don't”

“Honestly Jared, it's ok” Jensen repeated himself, fighting back the tears threatening to form “like I said before, it's fucked up”

“Jen..no…” Jared was frustrated, he needed to make Jensen understand that he didn't hate him, or think that there was something wrong with him, he couldn't let the man leave believing that.

“Please don't make it harder than it needs to be Jare” Jensen said quietly, his voice breaking on the last word.

Jared let out an annoyed breath, thinking Jensen could be fucking _dense_ at times. His legs moved before his mind had finished making the decision, in a few steps, he had closed the distance between himself and Jensen, stopping well within the older man’s personal space. Jensen flinched, the sudden closeness between the two scared him, there was determined look on Jared's face and Jensen was sure the big man was about to hit him.

“I'm sorry” he muttered quickly, leaning back from Jared” like I said, I'll go…”

Jared's hands moved too quick for Jensen's eyes to follow, one second they were by his side, the next they were cupping his face, the heat from them tingling his skin. Before he could respond, he felt Jared's lips meet his, warmer and softer than he had imagined, the soft graze of stubble against his chin sent chills down his spine.

After a few seconds he realised that Jared’s tongue was at his lips, trying to make its way inside his mouth. Jared was kissing him, he realised, he responded to Jared's insistent tongue, opening his mouth and uttering a small moan as he felt the warmth of Jared's tongue run over his own. It was soft and gentle, like Jared was trying to assure him it was all ok. The kiss deepened as Jensen pushed his tongue over Jared's, dominating, this time it was his turn to invade Jared's mouth, it earned him a throaty groan in response.

Jensen put his arms around the man, hand resting between his shoulder blades, he could feel Jared’s powerful muscles move under the fabric, he pulled Jared towards him, their bodies pressing together, Jared stepping his leg between Jensen's, bringing more contact that send a shudder through his whole body.

The shift was sudden, no longer was the kiss one of reassurance, it was now heated and primal, Jared could feel Jensen hardening against his thigh, it was driving him wild. He slid his hand through Jensen's hair, to the back of his head, gaining a fistful, he nipped Jensen's lower lip gaining the reaction he wanted. He felt the ripple move through Jensen's whole body, the twitch of his cock sent another wave of desire through him, he could feel the wetness against his thigh where his swollen cock was leaking.

Jensen’s hand slid down Jared's back, pulling his shirt up and sliding his hand under the waist band of his sweatpants, moving down. His hands reached the firm globe of Jared's ass, his hands kneading the hot flesh, Jared was going commando, the small realisation made it all hotter. Jared broke the kiss, resting his forehead on Jensen's, breathing heavily, Jensen's hand on his bare ass sent tingles coursing through his body.

Reaching down, he slid his hand over the hardness of Jensen, a sharp intake of breath by Jensen and noticeable jerk of the cock under his hand, fired him up even more, he started kissing along Jensen's jaw, tasting the saltiness of the skin, working his way down, reaching his collarbone. He could feel Jensen's whole body tremble against him, his hand grabbing Jared's ass harder.

“Fuck! Jared!" Jensen breathed as his cock was massaged through the fabric “want…you”

Jared's kisses made their way back up Jensen's throat and along his jaw, the green of Jensen's eyes blazing.

“Yeah?” Jared asked “what do you need? Tell me”

Jared's words melted Jensen completely, he needed Jared more than oxygen at this moment, months of fighting against it, the shame he felt was gone, replaced by utter primal need.

“You” was all he could manage.

Jared smiled wickedly and planted another needful kiss on his lips.

“C’mon” Jared said grabbing his hand and pulling away from Jensen, causing him to whine with the lack on contact.

The pair made their way quickly down the hallway, Jensen’s arm wrapped around Jared’s waist, squeezing tightly. When they reached the bedroom, they two engaged in another kiss, stronger than any of the previous kisses. The was a hurried stripping of clothes, fabric littering the room until both Jared and Jensen were naked, leading him to the bed, Jensen lay down, pulling Jared onto him, finally their flesh meeting, shockwaves rippled through them. Jared began to grind against Jensen’s hip, the slickness spreading against his skin as he leaked precum onto Jensen.

Kissing his way down Jensen’s body, he felt hands roaming across his back, tingles remaining in their wake. Jared licked his way down Jensen’s wide chest and smooth skin, reaching his destination. He grasped the thickness of Jensen’s cock and slowly began stroking, giving the occasional twist.

“Fuck! Jared that feels so good” Jensen breathed, hand tangled in Jared’s long hair.

“Not as good as this” Jared said, leaning down, he licked at the head of Jensen’s dick, a hand tightening in his hair.

“Oh my god” Jensen moaned, as Jared’s lips closed over the head, his tongue teasing the slit. He felt Jared slide down his length, engulfed in the warm wetness of Jared’s mouth as he slowly sucked up and down, he felt like he was going to cum on the spot.

“Jare, you’ve gotta…stop” Jensen begged, he didn’t want it to be over this soon. Jared laughed and the rumble of it coursed over his cock, making his back arch. He felt one last long suck from Jared before he slid off, making sure to give one final lick along the length of Jensen.

He moved his way back to Jensen’s face, sharing a deep kiss, tongues roaming over each other, Jensen could taste himself in Jared’s mouth, his cock jerking in response. His hands slid their way down Jared’s back and grabbed his ass, spreading his cheeks, Jared groaned and bit down on the meat of Jensen’s shoulder.

“Fuck me” he breathed against his shoulder, kissing the warm flesh again.

“Are…are you sure?” he heard Jensen ask “I’ve never…. not with a guy”

“Me either” Jared admitted, his arousal rising higher knowing that it would be each other’s first time.

He rolled over onto his back, reaching for the lube at the night stand, he passed it to Jensen as he opened his legs, letting him know it was ok.

Seeing Jared spread before him, on his back, tanned muscles quivering in anticipation almost drove Jensen over the edge. He moved closer, squeezing a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, he grasped Jared’s cock, slowly jerking off his considerable length as he slowly pushed a lubed finger into Jared’s hole, the tightness closing around his finger.

Jared let out a deep gravelly moan of pleasure, he could feel Jensen’s finger working its magic as it moved back and forth, Jensen’s warm hand sliding up and down his dick, his palm softly grazing the head, it all made Jared dizzy. He couldn’t believe how good it all felt, he felt a second finger slip inside his hole, stretching him, getting him ready for Jensen, the dull burn began to fade, replaced with sensations that had him squirming.

Jensen watched as Jared moved beneath him, muscles clenching as he hit the right spot, Jared was moaning more than he’d ever heard anyone moan in his life.

“Jensen” Jared pleaded “Enough…I’m…fuck me!”

Jensen didn’t need to be told twice, withdrawing his fingers, he slicked up his cock, shuddering slightly at the coolness of the liquid. Shuffling forward he positioned himself, Jared’s legs quivering in anticipation. Leaning forward, he pushed the tip of his thickness inside Jared.

“Ohhhhh…fuck!” Jared moaned sucking in a breath, the head of Jensen’s cock felt so good.

“You ok?”

“Yeah…. more” Jared panted.

Jensen slowly slid further into Jared, almost collapsing at the tightness and heat of Jared closed around his dick, it was almost too intense. Jared slid his hand over his muscles, closing around his cock, stroking himself as he adjusted to having Jensen inside him. The burn was dissipating, as Jensen finally slid in him fully, Jared almost came then and there. Opening his eyes, he saw Jensen looking down at him, concern plastered across his face.

“I’m fine Jensen, really” he assured the older man, cupping the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss as his legs wrapped around Jensen’s back “Jen…move”

Jensen began to slide back and forth inside Jared, watching the pleasure spread across Jared’s face. He was so tight around Jensen’s cock it was unbelievable. Slowly he built up speed, sweat beading on his forehead as he fucked Jared.

“Oh fuck!” Jared yelled as Jensen hit the sweet spot, overcome with waves of pleasure throughout his body, pulling Jensen down for a deep kiss again, sloppy, driven by need. He could feel the ripple of Jensen’s muscles with each thrust, his fingernails dragging along his strong back. He was completely, utterly lost in ecstasy. He felt Jensen’s mouth at his neck, sucking on the skin, the wash of his breath against his skin. Jensen’s pace picked up and Jared could hear his breath becoming quicker.

“Jared…I’m close” Jensen growled in his ear “do you want me to…”

“No!” Jared said, he wanted all of Jensen inside him “just…. keep going”

Jensen’s thrusts sped up again, long and deep, hitting Jared’s prostate each time, he reached up, cupping Jensen’s face and softly rubbing his thumb along his cheek. Jared felt his balls tighten and the tingle run through his body, Jensen was definitely hitting the right spot, he was about to cum, without touching himself.

“FUCK!” Jared yelled as his orgasm ripped through him, knocking the air out of his lungs, all of his muscles contracted in unison, he felt his cock stand up, erupting onto him, thick white ropes landing along his body and even up on his chest. Jensen couldn’t hold on any longer, the heat of Jared around his cock was driving him over the edge, he gripped the bedspread as Jared’s orgasm caused him to tighten around Jensen even further.

“Oh..sh…shit!” Jensen moaned as he spilled into Jared, his cock expanding as each shot left him, deepening his thrusts, prolonging the orgasm, he could feel Jared’s hands gripping his back as Jensen emptied himself into him. He was shaking from head to toe as he finally finished, unable to hold himself up any longer he collapsed onto Jared, warm skin meeting, the feel of their sweat and cum slicking their skin.

Jensen tried to regain his breath, looking up at Jared, whose eyes were unfocused, a wide grin spread across his face, he rolled of Jared, panting. Looking over at him, Jared brushed a hand against his cheek, Jensen smiled:

“I don’t think I’ve ever cum like that in my life” he laughed, staring into Jared’s eyes, Jared smiled and lent over, kissing Jensen deeply, but tenderly. After breaking the kiss, he moved his head back so he could stare into those green eyes:

“You’re forgiven” Jared said softly.

“Yeah?” Jensen asked, his eyebrows rising.

“Yeah” Jared assured, nodding to confirm.

“I’m glad, I missed you like crazy Jare” Jensen said, pulling him close and wrapping his arms around Jared’s warm shoulders as Jared snaked his arm across his belly, tightening the hug.

“Me too Jen” Jared nuzzled into Jensen’s chest, planning a soft kiss “Me too”.  


End file.
